Having barricaded
the door the house seemed quiet. I decided that Tony had had enough, he must
have thought that he had made his point sufficiently well. I was being spared
any further attack. I climbed into bed, totally exhausted. The adrenaline was
starting to wear off.
As I lay in bed just
on the edge of sleep, I heard someone climbing the stairs. I felt sick to the
pit of stomach; my heart was racing and the sound of the beat echoing in my
ears. As the panic grew my breath somehow escaped me. I have never known
anticipation or fear like it.
Tony started banging
on the bedroom door, I asked him to leave me alone, to go away. I could sense
his determination to get into the room. He slammed the door each time the
furniture I'd stacked moved a little further away creating a slightly larger
gap. I'd never known him be so persistent before.
He got in. I was
desperately trying to get up and out of the room, trying to pass so I could run
away. I saw something in his eyes that I have never seen before. I'd known this
guy for four years and in that moment I genuinely did not recognise him. I
couldn't get past him. He caught me and grabbed me and threw me onto the bed.
Tony then pinned me
to the bed. He sat astride me, pinning my legs with his legs and feet, he held
one arm down with his hand and his other arm was across the top of my chest to
prevent me sitting up. He was on top, he had complete control.
Tony then began
demanding that I say "sorry", he made the same demand 6 maybe 7
times. To this day I don't believe that I had or have anything to apologise
for. Each AND every time I refused I was punched with incredible force to the
left hand side of my face. Tony punched me so hard that in the process he
managed to break three teeth.
How I managed to stay
awake I just don’t know, I do know that I have never felt pain like it despite
having given birth twice. Once Tony realised that I simply wasn’t going to
comply with his request for an apology he changed tack.
He told me
repeatedly that he was going to kill me, that he was capable, that he hated me,
that my children hated me, that he could do the time, all twenty years and that
it would be worth it. I have never ever heard some speak with such venom in
their voice, in fact he no longer sounded like Tony it was like he had been
taken over (I most certainly am not making excuses here just trying to explain
the change). This is when Tony tried to
gouge out my eyes. While saying that my children hated me and that I didn’t
ever deserve to see them again he jammed his index fingers into the corners of
each eye and tried to pop my eye balls out. I was really starting to get
desperate I needed to try at least try and get him off me. I had tried
wriggling and thrashing all to no avail. I lashed out and grabbed at the side
of his mouth pulling on the corner of his mouth, if I can just distract him
enough. Well I succeeded momentarily, he flinched, forgot about my eyes,
instead he bit my finger.
I had clearly incensed
him further. All I could think about was my two beautiful babies, who I would
never see again. Who would explain this to them and how.
Tony was screaming
at me threatening to kill me over and over. He was grabbing at me trying to pin
me to the bed and when I wouldn’t keep still he punched and slapped me across
the face. Worst was still to come.
Tony grabbed me by
the throat with two hands and squeezed, it hurt, I panicked, I couldn't breathe
properly. It was getting harder and harder to breath. I felt faint. No no I can’t pass out not now. I found just enough
strength to shake myself just enough to put Tony off balance. He had to let go.
I now started
screaming and shouting as loud as I could for anyone that might hear. I then remembered
that Tony’s children were in the room next to us. I screamed his eldest childs
name over and over please come and help me. Tony grabbed my pillow I could see
it coming out of the corner of my eye I screamed one more time louder this time
as the pillow landed on my face.
Tony’s eldest child
had saved me. He had begged his dad to get off me and leave me alone and
eventually he did. Just as I was about to lose consciousness for the last time.
I only found your blog last week and have to say what a very brave lady you are. I only moved into this house in June of last year and my neighbour is a weedy man who is in his early 20's. He has a girlfriend and a toddler and when the mood suits shouts abuse at both of them. He has on 2 previous occasions (that I know of) hit her and then shouted at her that it's all her fault. I can here everything as the walls are not the thickest. They are on the end of the terrace so only I am privvy to his outburts. I thought that he had stopped until this morning, as it had been at least 2 months since he last let rip. He went totally bananas shouting at his son which escalated into beating his girlfriend and destroying some furniture. What possesses a man/woman to think they have the right to such mental and physical abuse. I am in a pickle as to what I can do. I know what I'd like to do but....
ReplyDeleteI have been totally moved by your story and have nothing but admiration that you can speak about it. It has really opened my eyes as to what some people have to go through and encouraging that their is a life on the other side. Sue x